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Part of my Old Songs series, a circuslike melody from 2004 telling of little criminals. THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN in two parts. I wrote the lyrics in about 2001, when I was editing my weekly journal of bad poetry, Doggerel, and were published there. Several years later, in 2004, I had a small apartment in Omaha and an abundance of free time, thank to being unable to find frequent work, so I put the lyrics to music. This is a grim little story, and I think the biggest influence was a zine I used to read back in the early ’90s called Murder Can Be Fun. The author, John Marr, was and is an inveterate reader, with a taste for crime and disaster stories, and I recall him doing an issue dealing with children. He wrote about several children who had been put to death, and recounted the hideous crimes that had put them on death row. In every instance, the child had just pursued an amoral curiosity, with tragic results, and the children never demonstrated any real understand of what had happened, or what was going to happen, even as they were headed to the gallows. These stories stuck with me, and, so, of course, I decided to write a rather upbeat and carnivalesque song about the subject. “FOUR DETESTABLE CHILDREN” LYRICS: Billy Murkin, sweet and mild Once hacked to death an infant child And then explained to officer Pruett That he wanted to see if he could do it. The Thomson boy had a great desire To take a match and start a fire All perished in the orphanage As the wicked boy laughed and the fire raged. The Lowells grew quite fond of tacks Which they placed alone the railroad tracks So they hoisted up a drum of tar Killing all but one in the dining car. Sammy Hawkins and his brother Pete Thought they would catch fish to eat. Sam set his rod down on the ground And pushed in his brother to watch him drown.

Center Stall
A song about the freshman year of college, and masturbation. Enjoy! Written many years ago with a friend about another friend. (We are all thankful for his not going postal on our jabs.) It really is a three person song.. but the main guitar player is in Oman, the moaner is in Indy, and I got bored.

Undercover
Recorded this song last night. It’s a new direction, sort of. Unplugged electric bass, acoustic guitar, vocals. 7/4 but unusual rhythm work. I like it, hope you do.

Song of the Cane Toad
Part of my Old Songs project, where I record song I wrote years or even decades ago. This song tells of the disasterous introduction of the Hawaiian Can Toad to Australia, for some reason. Well, obviously there was a time when I felt a need to sing about Bufo marinus, for some reason. That time was about 1988, if I recall right, and I had stumbled across a book that told the story of the Cane Toad’s disasterous introduction to Australia. Back in those days, it seems, I just went ahead and wrote songs about whatever the hell I was reading at the time, and, looking back on the songs that emerged as a result, this actually seems a pretty good approach. Apparently, I also thought a Roger Miller-styled uptempo country number would be the best way to tell this story. I’m not sure I was wrong, either — Australian pop songs like “Pub With No Beer” and “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” always sort of sounded like Roger Miller ditties to me. Anyway, the lyrics actually are a pretty good representation of the experiences of Australians dealing with an imported and biodiversity-destroying alien species of enormous and mildly hallucinogenic toads. “SONG OF THE CANE TOAD” LYRICS: There was money in sugar so it was farmed in Brisbane But the Grey Back Beetle could eat a thousand ton of cane We picked beetles off of cane stalk till our buckets overlowed Then we brought out to Queensland the Hawaiian Cane Toad Mr. Bell said the toad would eat grub off the plant But the Greyback can fly and the Bufo toad can’t And they’re useless anyway because they won’t go near the cane And there’s poison in their neck that drives a biting dog insane The toads have been known to steal and swallow smokes Which they snatch from the hands of New South Wales folks And they’re mean and they’re hungry and they’re always in the road From the Gold Coast to the Round House it’s the Hawaiian Cane Toad

Serenade the Moon
Part of my Old Songs project of recording song I wrote years and sometimes decades ago, this one a Tin Pan Alley styled love song. I used to have big old baritone ukulele, which is pitched lower than my current tenor ukulele, and so a lot of these early songs I either sing very high or very low, which is tricky, as I already write songs either for the top or the bottom of my register. Nonetheless, the point of this project is to find a home for the old songs I wrote, and so I’ll just go ahead and sing the songs as best I can, even when, as with this one, I wind up just growling through a lot of it. “Serenade the Moon” was my first, and, I think, only attempt at writing using the classic structure of the pop song, including an intro and a middle bridge. The song was written in 1996, and, as with the other songs I wrote at that time, the lyrics are deliberately a little hokey — I took pleasure in combining the more insipid qualities of Tin Pan Alley songwriting with a more beaten and world weary viewpoint, and so here we have what on first blush seems to be a a sweet if simpleminded romantic ditty, and then reveals itself to have a broke alcoholic as its narrator. “SERENADE THE MOON” LYRICS: I’m bewildered and I’m startled Is it jut the wine Did I hear that you adore me Could it be your mine We’ve both drunk a little too much And won’t be invited again any time soon I’ve lost my hat and your purse string’s broken Now is a good time to serenade the moon I’ve acted the fool, I act it often My hair’s a mess and I sing off tune But if it makes you smile I’ll act the fool, dear If it makes you laugh I will serenade the moon I’m a wreck and my money’s all spent I’m not the kind of guy for whom girls swoon But drunk with you I feel like a king, dear Drunk with you I will serenade the moon

The Worst Decision
Laid-back, blues-inspired pop song for the June ‘08 lyric challenge. The phrase “life is all about conflicting desires” did not sink in initially. But on further reflection, I understood how this is true. Such conflict can lead to inertia or abdication of choice, resulting in disappointment. I did all the parts on this track: vox, keyboard, drum programming, and electric bass. I’m happy with the music, but the mix needs work. Dedicated to Jessamyn, of course (for what became the bridge). Lyrics inside. The Worst Decision You want to go to the movies, go to the zoo You want to have kids, yet stay a kid, too - Is the city the place, you’ll choose to reside, Or out in the beautiful countryside? Buy a gift for your lover, or a set of new tires? Life is all about conflicting desires Up or down, left or right Work all day or stay up all night? One wrong move, [and] you could take a fall But the worst decision is no decision at all You may be looking for peace of mind, But you’re all caught up, in a mental bind Well, if you’ve ever been down and out, Then you know the kind of dilemma I’m talking about When it’s between going hungry and the landlord’s ire Life is all about conflicting desires CHORUS Sisters and brothers, it’s not too late - Make your move, step up to the plate Whether you go down swingin’, or hit a home run You can’t hit ‘em all, so at least pick one One has to determine the things to which one aspires, ’cause Life is all about conflicting desires CHORUS Tag: ad lib

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